On his wedding day, the groom walked down the aisle with a big grin on his face. His best man said, "I know this is your wedding day, but I've never seen you with such a big smile." The groom whispered, "I just got the best blow job I've ever had." As the bride walked down the aisle she too grinned from ear to ear. Her bridesmaid said to her, "I know this is the happiest day in your life, but I have never seen you with a bigger smile." To which the bride replied, "I've just given my last blow job." ************** A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem." She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what are they. He says "well, pussy and bitch." She says, "Oh thats no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy." He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning. Dad says, "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she can't handle them. What are the words?" He tells him...pussy and bitch. Dad says, "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "Son, everything inside this circle, is pussy" "OK, Dad, so whats a bitch?" "Son," he says, "everything outside that circle." ***************** The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. "How can you tell, Tonto?" asked the Lone Ranger. "Face sticky." ************* A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree', sighed the pheasant, 'but I haven't got the energy'. 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. 'They're packed with nutrients'. The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. -----BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK----- Version: 2.6.2 mQBtAzJofgwAAAEDAONY3h5bz3Ja7RoQGW9s6Ajte5SHjGb6oxmvVFkUGOKUi6D1 33QX5akO2u3PBd5FxnVhMYtBR+pVOgTfDOWTEr8Dt9vPvkBJt27JHcyFkdxTU6ZD L+bcqkC3flwZj7GLIQAFEbQhS2V2aW4gU2FybmEgPHN0YW5nQHRoaXJkd2F2ZS5u ZXQ+iQB1AwUQMmh++rd+XBmPsYshAQHseAMAwxZbdc25YLTsEnpfjLGYbV5wgu8V RxxNgXf8N5qPf9FBWRGjr44/f9dYvPQ9gCv/htIqYWAugVH5Ji9WqrYfEGM0uKF2 ugYWYyHLSSelszycBIrMiTyJJYGtfdIdV0He =X02c -----END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----