This is for all of the men who loved the Dumb Blond Jokes: What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One-Men will screw anything How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging How can you tell if a man's sexually excited? He's breathing What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares? How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know- It's never happened How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped What's a man's idea of safe sex? A padded headboard How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable" Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all of their decisions Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olymppics? He had it bronzed Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra, you've go nothing to put in it Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three, One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove. What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention What are the two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business How is a man like a snowstorm? Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you will get, or how long it will stay Did you hear the one about the banker who's a great lover? He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal Why are men like laxatives? They both irritate the shit out of you Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $1,000 stereo in it (not supposed to be a joke) Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed, "How sad-A dead bird!" The other looked up and said, "Where?" Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down What do you call men with half a brain? Gifted What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish What did God say after creating man? "I can do better." Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As oppposed to what? Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand the criticism I went to the county fair. They had one of those "Believe It Or Not" shows. They had a man born with a penis "and" a brain What's a man's idea of helping with the housework? Lifting his legs so you can vacuum What's the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six-pack of beer If men got pregnant......Abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.