Having passed on, the lawyer found himself with the devil in a room
filled with clocks.  Each clock turned at a different speed and was
labeled with the name of a different occupation.  After examining all
the clocks, the lawyer turned to the devil and said, "I have two
questions.  First, why does each clock move at a different speed?"
 
"They trun at the rate as which that occupation sins on earth," replied
the devil.  "What's your second questions?"
 
"Well," said the lawyer. "I can't seem to find my occupation.  where is
the lawyers' clock?"
 
Puzzled, the devil scanned the room.  "Oh, yes!" he finally exclaimed.
"We keep that clock in the workshop and use if for a fan."
 
                            ***
 
Q.  Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
 
A.  If one side has one, the other side has to get one.  Once launcehd
during a campaign, they can rarely be recalled.  And when they land,
they screw up everything forever.
 
                            ***
 
Q.  How many lawyers can you place on the point of a needle?
 
A.  Ten, if you make them stand on their heads.
 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Q.  What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A.  Government bonds mature.
 
Q.  What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A.  Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
 
Q.  What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A.  E.T. phoned home.
 
Q.  Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A.  When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
 
Q.  What did God say after he created man?
A.  "I can do better than this."
 
Q.  What is the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A.  Put the remote control between his toes.
 
Q.  How do men exercise at the beach?
A.  By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
 
Q.  What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A.  A hot dog and a six-pack.
 
Q.  How are men like noodles?
A.  They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
 
Q.  Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A.  When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for
    directions.