I Love California

Dear Diary

Aug. 12- Moved to our new home in Maine.  It is so beautiful here.  The
mountains are so majestic.  Can hardly wait to see them covered with snow.

Oct. 14- Maine is the most beautiful place on Earth.  The leaves are turned
into all colors and shades of red and orange.  Went for a ride through the
beautiful mountains and saw some deer.  They are so graceful; certainly
they are the most wonderful animals on earth.  This must be paradise.  I
love it here.

Nov. 11- Deer season will start soon.  I can't imagine anyone wanting to
kill such georgeous creatures .  Hope it will snow soon.  I love it here.

Dec. 2- It snowed last night.  Woke up to find everything blanketed with
white.  It looks like a postcard.  We went outside and cleaned the snow off
the steps and shoveled the driveway.  We had a snowball fight (which I
won!), and when the snow plow went by, we had to shovel the driveway again.
What a beautiful place.  I love Maine.

Dec. 12- More snow last night.  I love it.  The snow plow did his trick to
the driveway again.  I love it here.

Dec. 19- More snow last night.  Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to
work.  I am exhausted from shoveling.  Fucking snow plow.

Dec. 22- More of that white shit fell last night.  I've got blisters on my
hands from shoveling.  I think the snow plow hides around the curve and
waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway.  Asshole!

Dec. 25- Merry Fucking Christmas!  More friggin' snow.  If I ever get my
hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snow plow, I swear I'll kill
the bastard.  Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt
the fucking ice.

Dec. 27- More white shit last night.  Been inside for three days except for
shoveling out the driveway every time that snow plow goes through.  Can't
go anywhere, car's stuck in a mountain of white shit.  The weatherman says
to expect another 10" of the shit again tonight.  Do you know how many
shovels-full of snow 10" is?

Dec. 28- The fucking weatherman was wrong.  We got 34" of that white shit
this time.  At this rate it won't melt until next summer.  The snow plow
got stuck up the road and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow
my shovel.  After I told him I had broken six shovels already shoveling all
the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last shovel over his
fucking head.

Jan. 4-Finally got out of the house today.  Went to the store to get food
and on the way back a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it.
Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car.  Those fucking beasts should be
killed.  Wish the hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3- Took the car to the garage in town.  Would you believe the thing is
rusting out from all that fucking salt they put on all the roads.

May 10- Moved to Georgia.  I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind
would ever live in that God-forsaken state of Maine.