HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN EVERY TIME:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix,
empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe,
humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug,
coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle,
smooch, toast, minister to, forgive, sacrifice, ply, accessorize,
leave, return, beseech, sublimate, entertain, charm, lug, drag, crawl,
show equality for, spackle, oblige, fascinate, attend, implore, bawl,
shower,  shave, trust, grovel, ignore, defend, coax, clothe, brag
about, acquiesce,  aromate, fuse, fizz, rationalize, detoxify,
sanctify, help, acknowledge, polish, upgrade, spoil, embrace, accept,
butter-up, hear, understand, jitterbug, locomote, beg, plead, borrow,
steal, climb, swim,  nurse, resuscitate,  repair, patch, crazy-glue,
respect, entertain, calm, allay, kill for, die for, dream of, promise,
deliver, tease, flirt, commit, enlist, pine, cajole, angelicize,
murmur, snuggle, snoozle, snurfle, elevate, enervate, alleviate,
spotweld, serve, rub, rib, salve, bite, taste, nibble, gratify,  take
her places, scuttle like a crab on the ocean floor of her existence,
diddle, doodle, hokey-pokey, hanky-panky, crystal blue persuade, flip,
flop, fly, don't care if I die, swing, slip, slide, slather,
mollycoddle, squeeze, moisturize, humidify, lather, tingle, slam-dunk,
keep on  rockin' in the free world, wet, slicken, undulate, gelatinize,
brush, tingle, dribble, drip, dry, knead, fluff, fold, blue-coral wax,
ingratiate, indulge, wow, dazzle, amaze, flabbergast, enchant, idolize,
worship, and then go back, Jack, and do it again.


HOW TO SATISFY A MAN EVERY TIME:

Show up naked.

Subject: Hey Cowboy


An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and
chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to
him.  After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked
him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking
horses, mending fences, I guess I am."

After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian.  I
spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the
morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything
seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the
cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."


The Difference Between Men and Women
====================================

The difference between men and women in one paragraph:  A man is
driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.  A woman is driving down the
same road.

As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells:
"PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner,
he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.