HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
               MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
               
Element:     Woman

Symbol:      Wo

Discoverer:  Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6Kg, but known to vary from  40-200Kg.

Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas.


Physical Properties:

1.           Surface usually covered in painted film.

2.           Boils at nothing; freezes without reason.

3.           Melts if given treatment.

4.           Bitter if incorrectly used.

5.           Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.

6.           Yields if pressure applied in correct places.


Chemical Properties:

1.           Has great affinity for gold, silver and a  range of precious
stones.

2.           Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3.           May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
reason.

4.           Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases
             greatly by saturation in alcohol.

5.           Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.


Common Uses:

1.           Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2.           Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3.           Very effective cleaning agent.


Tests:

1.           Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered
             in the natural state.

2.           Turns green when placed beside a better
             specimen.


Hazards:

1.           Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2.           Illegal to possess more than one, although
             several can be maintained at different
             locations as long as specimens do not come
             into direct contact with each other.

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Man - A Chemical Analysis


Element        : Man

Symbol         : Ah (short for Asshole)

Quantitative   : Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be
                      as short as 4 inches.

Discoverer     : Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a
                            craving for ribs)

Occurrence     : Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration
                         near a perfect Wo specimen.


Physical properties :

a) Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.

b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced wth Logic and Common
Sense, melts if reated like a God.

c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH  (any alcohol).

d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.

e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo

   (Snore... zzzzz).

f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.

g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
     to extremely thick.

h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.

i) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form
of the Wo common ore.

j) When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when
   subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied


Chemical properties :

a) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction
   is possible.

b) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely
   favorable conditions.

c) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.

d) Usually willing to react with whatever is available.

e) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction
     effects (which tend to turn the specimen bright red).

f) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to
     violent/bloody.

g) When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel
      most other elements.

h) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

i) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of
         the malodorous variety.

j) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.



Storage :

a) Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for
favorable reaction style.

a) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo...

b) Can be used in recreational activities.



Tests :

a) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens
      broadcast information on many wavelengths.

Caution :

Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes
         with reaction to a particular Wo specimen.

Otherwise very malleable under correct conditions.