HOW TO REPORT ON DEVELOPMENT STATUS ----------------------------------- (Thanks to John Giles, David Giles, and Mate Gross) Write in your report... What it means: ------------------------------- -------------- Essentially complete It's half done Schedule exposure It slipped three weeks ago We predict We hope to God Screen design is lagging Not a single screen exists Risk is high but acceptable 100 to 1 odds; or, with 10 times the budget and 10 times the people, we stand a 50/50 chance Potential show stopper The team has updated their resumes Serious, but no insurmountable It'll take a miracle problems Basic agreement reached The &%$#@'s won't even talk to us Results are being quantified We're massaging the numbers so that they will agree with our conclusions Task force to review 7 people who are incompetent at their regular jobs have been loaned to the project Not well defined Nobody's thought about it Not well understood Now that we've thought about it, we don't want to think about it anymore Requires further analysis Totally out of control and management attention Results are encouraging Power-on produced no smoke Awaiting installation Design package has been thrown over fence to operations Awaiting redlines Operations threw it back Hardware installation complete It's software's fault Software installation complete It's hardware's fault Hardware and software It's operation's fault installation complete Software is cycling Computer must be rebooted after each pass System is ready for delivery We give up System was shipped It's lost in our warehouse We would like to offer Give us more money and we'll try to enhancements/upgrades make it work A number of different We're still guessing. approaches are being tried. An extensive report is being We just hired three kids right out prepared for a fresh of college. approach to the problem. Close project coordination We know who to blame. A major technological It works okay, but looks very high breakthrough tech. Customer satisfaction is We are so far behind schedule the assured on delivery. customer will be happy to get it at all. Preliminary operational tests The damn thing blew up when we were inconclusive. turned it on. Test results were extremely We're surprised the stupid thing gratifying. works. The entire concept will have The only person who understood to be abandoned. the thing quit. It's still in process. It's so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is hopeless. We'll look into it. Forget it! We have enough problems for now. Please read and initial. Let's spread responsibility around for the screw up. Give us the benefit of your We'll listen to what you have to thinking. say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done. Give us your interpretation. I can't wait to hear this BS. See me, let's discuss it. Come into my office, I'm lonely. All new Parts not interchangeable with the previous design. Rugged Too damn heavy to lift! Lightweight Lighter than RUGGED. Years of development One finally worked. Energy saving Savings are achieved when the power switch is off. Low maintenance Impossible to fix if broken.